My inner child

Now Harry is a slowly getting a bit quieter.
It’s as if my inner child wants to be seen, or at least finally feels room to be seen.
My inner child who wants to kind of break free.
I don’t know, I feel like an urge to be more childish anyway.
Or to kind of just mess around, do spontaneous little things or just don’t have too many responsibilities.
Not like the To Do lists and restrictions that Harry seems te give me, you know.

With this kind of realization that I shouldn’t listen to Harry and just enjoy life…
I literally feel like I’m like a reborn child.
Like a child who’s curious and who’s like looking into the world with eyes like: “Wooow ooooh ahh!”
As if everything is kind of new.
Like: “Ooooh you can do it like this, oooh what is that?”

Like a child who just ‘is’.
Just ‘being’ without really thinking too much about what happens next (I mean still a little bit, I am an adult and there is always some stuff to ‘do’ in the big world, but it feels like not as much as before).
Just randomly putting music on and dancing in the room.
Just taking a nap in the afternoon because I feel sleepy.
Just giggle about things I randomly think about or about random things I haven’t noticed before or haven’t paid attention to before.

I still feel like a kind of fear or ‘suspense’ in a way.
As if it’s a part of that child that is still a little bit ‘scared’ or careful, besides this new curiosity.
Like as if you want to tip your toe in the water, but then you’re kind of scared because you feel water and you didn’t know what to expect what to feel.
Even though you know if you would just put your whole foot in the water, you’re gonna enjoy it.
But you know, it takes time.
My inner child finally gets a kind of space which she’s not really used to.
Can she really trust me?
It always takes a bit of time to win trust back, doesn’t it?

Little, little Hanise.
There’s so much enthusiasm in her.
She did came out every now and then, when I suppressed or ignored Harry.
But always with a kind of feeling that someone was looking over her shoulder to check if she was behaving or just making sure that no one found her stupid. And when I’m on my own I tend to only do useful and practical things, never like random fun things.
Now that Harry is quieter there seems a whole new world to open up.
A world of miracles and wonders.
Just how a child looks to the world.

So, when these Brainwaves about my inner child started to pop up.
I had to think about two passages from two books
I would really like to share them just to support my Brainwaves.
It’s funny because it seems like lots of stuff I listen to or read about at the moment is about embracing your inner child (without me seriously looking for it but you know, that’s probably the synchronicities they talk about in spiritual awakening, who knows ;)).

So one is a passage that I have had as a picture in my house for a long time. I’ve always loved it and I think it has a beautiful message.
But now it seems to literally support the way of how I try to learn to kind of look at my inner child.
You know how a child, especially, has to learn by falling and then standing back up.
That’s the whole process of growing which kind of seems accelerated when you’re little.

So this is literally what I would like to say to my inner child. In this story it’s about a squirrel (I think) writing a letter to an elephant . It’s from a Dutch book, Het wezen van de olifant , but I translated it to English for you;

“Dear elephant,

I just heard you falling down again.
You’re somewhere on the ground under a tree.
You are hurt, maybe you broke some body parts and maybe you decide to never climb into a tree again.
You think that we think that you are extremely stupid because you always climb into trees and always fall down.
We do think you’re stupid.

But we also admire you!
We don’t do stuff that we’re not good at, you do!
We always think twice before we do something, we always consider the consequences, you just start.
We are scared for mistakes and wrong estimations – you’e got more important stuff to think about.
Elephant, I write to you because I know that we will tell you again lots of times that you shouldn’t climb, that we feel for you and that if we were you we would never climb into anything again.
While we actually – just like you – would love to dance in the trees, even though we would fall as hard as you do.

Elephant, don’t listen to us! Keep climbing!”

Then there’s another one from the Medicine Cards. About the Porcupine.
I found out about these Medicine Cards in Mexico , they say that animals have so much wisdom
And power. They are like wisdom cards you now. You can take one everyday and use the power or lesson from that animal for that day, when you read it something about it will almost definitely resonate with something that’s going on in your life at the moment.
But you can also do like a ‘bigger ‘ reading of choosing your nine totem animals.
You can only do it once, so the animals you blindly pick, those are you life totem animals. Excitingggg. 😉
So one of the totem animals stands for your inner child. And literally, such a funny coincidence, the card I picked is linked very closely to your inner child. So I was like: Wow, that’s beautiful! Can’t be a coincidence? Or it is? Who knows. 😉
But anyway. In the description of that card was also beautiful story. Which kind of gives me kind of like, I don’t know, a kind of fire inside of like: Exactly, we all seem to take life sooo seriously as adults.
Or I did in my head at least, you know, guilty. 😉
But that’s what lots of us do as adults. We get sucked up in boring serious adult things or like ‘bad’ things that happen to us or all the drama in the world and then we just forget to just be playful in a way and just see life less tough. It’s already tough enough sometimes, without making it extra tough for yourself.
So why would we not just choose to give more space tot that inner child?
Besides taking care of the wounds of our inner child, as well.
I think it’s so important if we find that playfulness back.
That curiosity.
And we all kind of crave it in a way but we hold ourselves back with our Harry’s.
But anyway.
So this was a beautiful passage from the Porcupine what supported the feeling I have about it;

It starts with that Porcupine is staring at a hollow log, wondering is the nature made a playhouse for her and she was envisioning all the things she could do with the log. Just when she was pondering what to do next, she saw a bear approaching.

Bear was big and Black and looking for honey. “Oh, another playmate to share my log,” she thought.
“Hello Bear, she cooed. “Do you want to play and share my log with me?”
Gruff old Bear snorted, “Porcupine, don’t you know that I’m too old to play? You’re in my way. I’m looking for honey. Go away!”
“Why Bear, you’re never too old to play,” she replied. If you forget what is what like to be a cub, you’ll always be as impatient and gruff as you are now.”
Bear began to think about what Porcupine had said. Maybe she was right. All the other creatures had run away from Bear in fright. Even the other Bears had turned up their noses when he growled at them. This little Porcupine was certainly trusting him not to eat her. She even offered to be his friend.

The old Bear looked at Porcupine and began to feel something move inside him. He started to remember the games he had played as a cub. Joy started to live in him again.
“Little Porcupine, you have reminded me that in becoming strong and seeking answers, I got caught in trying to be an intellectual. I became afraid of what others would think if I dropped my mask of gruffness. I was afraid they wouldn’t take me seriously anymore. You have taught me that in being a fuddy-duddy, I was causing others to not to care for me. Thank you. I’d love to play with this old log.”
And so it was that Bear became childlike again and leaned the innocence of Porcupine.”

Maybe it will give you some inspiration.
To wake up your inner child a bit more.
Who cares. Yolo.

Thanks for reading! X

If you prefer to listen, you can listen to my Brainwaves, here:


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Hannah de Maagt


Genieten van de reis en niet teveel bezig zijn met het eindstation, dat is wat ik probeer te doen.
Ik ben een free spirit en ik wil dan ook leven naar hoe ik het zelf wil en niet naar hoe het zou moeten of wat “hoort”.

Experimenteren en daar dan weer van leren.
In een never ending zoektocht naar mijn authentieke zelf en wat écht belangrijk is in het leven.

Hannah de Maagt

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